Metal Gear But I Made it Gayer
by Princess Link
Summary: It's pretty self explanatory.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

Solid Snake hauled himself out of the water, panting. He decided to take a few minutes to rest. While he was resting, he got a call.

"This is Big Boss," said Big Boss, Snake's CO, "Operation Intrude N313: infiltrate the enemy base, Outer Heaven, and destroy the Ultimate Weapon, Metal Gear. Okay, let's go over the details. First, make contact with Gray Fox. Then, locate the Ultimate Weapon, Metal Gear."

Snake thought Big Boss was a bit _too_ obsessed with the idea of Metal Gear being the "Ultimate Weapon". Yeah, it was powerful (whatever it was), but did he really have to refer to it as "The Ultimate Weapon, Metal Gear" every. Damn. Time?

"Let's use frequency 120.85 for all communications from now on," Big Boss said, as if Snake even had a choice, "Over."

That was Big Boss for ya'. Never let anyone get a word in. Well, whatever. Snake had decided a long time ago that it wasn't worth dwelling on. He stretched and got to his feet. Shit. He was still wet. Hopefully, no one would notice the puddles he'd be leaving. Or maybe random puddles appearing out here was a regular occurrence. Whatever, it wasn't worth dwelling on. He was soaked, and he'd just have to deal with it. Though... he reached into his pocket. Yes, his cigarettes were still miraculously dry. He briefly considered smoking one... or several... until he was overcome with visions of the cigarettes leading to a horrible (not to mention untimely) death. Snake sighed and shoved the cigarettes back into his pocket. He'd wasted enough time- too much time, in fact. He took a deep breath and entered the building. As soon as he did, though, he got another call from Big Boss. Snake braced himself for a scolding.

"This is Big Boss" (Yeah, he knew) "The mission is infiltration" (He knew that too. Get to the point) "Make sure the enemy doesn't see you" (No shit, Sherlock) "Over."

Big Boss hung up.

That was it? Huh.

Snake continued straight, then went to the right, barely avoiding the guards there. He found himself outside. There were three trucks, and he entered the one closest to him. Inside, he found a ration.

"Screw this," he mumbled, and sat down to eat.

He was starving. Do you _know_ how exhausting swimming is? Very. I was on a swim team once.

* * *

When he was done, he stood up and left the truck. He saw a guard leave the second truck and slipped inside it. There, he grabbed at key card before leaving. Who knew when the guard would come back. Snake dashed to the last truck, and grabbed a pair of completely useless binoculars. He went back the way he'd come, slipping past the guards again, and returned to the entrance. He went to his right and avoided some more guards. He found a locked door. Snake pulled out the key card from the truck and used it on the door. He slowly pushed it open and entered. Inside, he saw a gas mask on a table and a single guard, who quickly fell asleep. Snake ran to the table, but before he could grab the gas mask, the guard woke up. Snake dove under the table, and stayed there until the guard fell asleep again. Snake wanted to laugh, but he stopped himself. Instead, he scrambled out from under the table, grabbed the gas mask, and hightailed it outta there. Once outside, he allowed himself to succumb to the nervous laughter that could've gotten him killed.

"God," he said to himself, "This is _not_ good. It's been, what, ten minutes and I'm _already _panicking." He paused, "And now I'm talking to myself. Great."

* * *

Finally, the laughter subsided, and he continued on, slipping past the guards again. Back in the entrance, he paused again. He was breathing heavily, but he didn't know when that had started.

"Okay, I'm Orpheus," Snake said. Mythology always calmed him down, "Only I can't play _any_ instrument. And instead of my girlfriend, I'm tryin' to rescue Gray Fox. So... I guess it's not the same. Like, at all. Whatever."

* * *

After finally calming down, Snake continued on, avoiding the guards yet again. He found himself in a room with two guards and an elevator. He ignored them, and once again found himself in front of three trucks. He entered the first one and grabbed a handgun. He left the truck and peeked into the second one. It was full of guards just... hangin' out. What? He continued into the third truck, which held a single guard and some land mines. Snake snuck past the guard easily (because apparently no one had any peripheral vision), grabbed the landmines, and left. He waited by the elevator until a voice over the loudspeaker called, "Shift change!" and the guards left. When they were gone, he ran over and took the elevator to the third floor. Snake grinned. Easy.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Snake exited the elevator and immediately got a call from Big Boss.

"This is Big Boss," he said, "Watch out for surveillance cameras. Over."

No shit he was gonna avoid the surveillance cameras. He slipped past the cameras, and then some guards, and entered a small room. It appeared to be an office, and there was some ammo for some reason. Snake grabbed the ammo and continued on, using the key card to open a door. The next room held only a prisoner. Had Snake found Gray Fox already?

"Um... Mister Gray Fox?" Snake asked tentatively.

"I'm saved!" the man said.

"Are you Gray Fox?" Snake asked.

"I'm saved!" the man said again.

"Yes, but-"

"I'm saved!"

Jesus. What had they done to this man. Snake assumed torture. If they'd torture him for... God only knew why, what would they do to _Snake _if they caught him. No, Snake couldn't afford to think like that. He helped the man to his feet.

"Can you walk?" Snake asked.

The man nodded.

"I need you to get to safety, okay," Snake said gently. Of course, the room they were in was probably pretty safe, but it also _reeked_ of things Snake didn't even wanna think about.

The man nodded again. Snake smiled at him, then went to the door to his right and unlocked it with the key card. Snake entered the next room, and suddenly, he couldn't breathe. Big Boss called again.

"This is Big Boss," he said, "I forgot to tell you. You need a gas mask for the gas room." (Just get to the feckin' point) "Schneider, the Cliffpercher, the leader of the resistance, should be able to tell you where to get one. Over."

"Boss, I don't-" Snake started, but Big Boss had already hung up. At least he already had a gas mask.

He slipped it on and made his way through the room, using the key card to open the door on the other side. He found himself in a room with a single guard and a surveillance camera. He tried to avoid the guard, but ended up getting spotted. Shit. Snake knocked out the guard and ran to the wall with the surveillance camera. There were two doors, only one of which Snake was able to unlock. It was another cell.

"Thanks... for... saving... me..." said the man inside. At lest he could talk.

"Have you-" Snake coughed violently, "Seen Gray Fox."

The man took a deep breath.

"The... FOXHOUND member?" he asked, "He's... unharmed... Ca... captured..."

"Thanks," Snake said," I just- need a minute."

He coughed again. And again. He tried to breathe, but that just made him cough harder. His knees gave out, and he fell to the floor.

"I'm going to die," he thought, "And it's all stupid Big Boss's fault."

Maybe it wasn't fair to blame Big Boss, but Snake wasn't particularly fond of him. Big Boss had never seemed to like Snake much, either. He'd always pushed Snake harder then anyone else. Snake wasn't allowed to just be good- he had to be _the best, _and the worst part was, he didn't even know why Big Boss pushed him so hard. He'd asked once, and had only gotten a cryptic "You remind him of himself when he was younger" from Master Miller.

* * *

After a long time- too long, in Snake's opinion- the coughing stopped. He got to his feet, waving off the concerned look of the prisoner.

"I'm fine," he said, "Get to safety."

Snake left the room. The guard had woken up, but this time Snake was able to sneak past him with minimal effort. He entered a room with a long object rolling back and forth.

A nervous giggle escaped his lips, and he muttered, "The Hell is this, Indiana Jones?"

He went to his left first, to pick up what turned out to be plastic explosives. Then he returned to the entrance area before going to the right and exiting the room. He snuck past some more guards and entered a room, which held another key card. Snake grabbed it and continued on until he couldn't go any further because the floor was electrified. He got another call from Big Boss.

"This is Big Boss. I forgot to tell you, but to turn of the juice, you'll have to destroy the electrical panel. For that, you'll need an RC Missile. Schneider, the-"

"Boss, I don't know who that is," Snake cut him off, "I don't know how to contact him."

"Oh, right. His number's 120.79," Big Boss said, almost reluctantly. But Snake had to be imagining things, right?

Big Boss ended the call, and Snake called Schneider, the Cliffpercher.

"This is Resistance Leader Schneider, the Cliffpercher. The RC Missiles are in the southwest. Over."

Yeah, real helpful, Cliffpercher. And what did that even mean, "the Cliffpercher"? Snake sighed. He ended up back where he'd knocked out the guard. He hadn't been able to open the door earlier, but now... he tried the new key card on the door. Yes! It worked. He entered the room and grabbed the RC Missile before leaving and returning to the electrified floor. He shot the missile and blew up the... thingy. Whatever it's called. He walked across the no longer electrified floor, snuck past some more guards, and entered a room with a large cardboard box. He grabbed the box and approached the door on the left wall. He dodged a few guards, then entered a room with four guards, which he also avoided. He didn't really want to kill anyone today. He entered another room and grabbed a grenade launcher, then left. He eventually found another prisoner.

"Thank you for helping me," the prisoner said, "Diane from the Resistance will provide support on frequency 120.33."

"Thanks," Snake said.

"Oh, Diane should have a lot of info about the enemy," the prisoner said, looking pleased to be able to help.

Snake called Diane.

"Who is this?" demanded a decidedly male voice.

"Is this Diane?" Snake asked.

"Diane? No, this is Steve. Who are you?"

"My name is Solid Snake. I was told to contact Diane," Snake explained.

"She's probably shopping, and won't be back 'till later. Sorry," Steve said.

Snake could tell he was lying, but decided not to press it.

"Okay, thanks," he said, and ended the call.

Snake left the room, snuck past the guards, and got into another elevator.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Snake got off the elevator on the first floor. He ran past the guards and found himself in a room with three surveillance cameras. He pulled out the box and hid under it. He made his way past the first two cameras and entered a jail cell.

"Thank you," said the prisoner, "That FOXHOUND member... Gray Fox, I think, do you know him?"

"Uh, yeah," Snake said.

"He's being held in a secret cell," the prisoner explained.

"Okay, thanks," Snake said.

The prisoner beamed. Snake left the cell and once again used the box to avoid the surveillance cameras. He continued on, avoiding some more guards, and entered a room containing a sub machine gun.

"Huh," Snake said.

He left the room and continued on his way. He encountered even _more_ guards.

"How many guards're even in this place," Snake wondered aloud, then clamped a hand over his mouth. Shit.

Luckily, the guards didn't seem to hear him, and he was able to sneak past them with ease. He found himself in a dead end.

"Don't move!" said a voice behind him.

Shit. ShitshitSHIT. He'd been caught. Time to lie his way outta this.

"I-I think you... uh... you, ah..." his mind was totally blank.

"Take 'im away," the voice ordered, and then something was covering Snake's nose and mouth, something that _reeked_ of Chloroform.

_Shit._

Snake passed out.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Snake awoke in an empty cell to his transciever ringing. He answered it.

"This is Big Boss," Big Boss said.

Snake sighed.

"The infiltration is a success," Big Boss continued, sounding almost... proud? No, Snake had to be imagining things.

"Find the cell where they're holding Gray Fox," Big Boss said, "Check the walls. Over."

"Check the walls?" Snake asked, and then groaned. _Why _did Big Boss insist on being so vague.

Snake groaned again and got to his feet, stretching, before examining his surroundings. There were no doors, but then... how'd he get in there in the first place? Whatever, thinking about it made his head hurt.

"Check the walls..." he said again.

He approached the left wall and gave it an experimental knock. It made the sound that walls make when you hit them.

"I have no idea what I'm looking for," Snake groaned.

He moved up a bit and knocked again. Was it his imagination, or did that spot sound different? He knocked on the first spot again, and then the second. It definitely made a different sound.

"Now what?" he groaned.

Annoyed, he punched the wall... and his fist went right through.

He sighed, "Thank God, who knows what would've happened if..."

He imagined several scenarios in which he died because of a mangled hand. He shook his head, then set to work widening the small hole his fist had made.

* * *

Eventually, Snake made it into another cell, almost identical to his. But what really caught his attention was the man sitting- practically _lounging_\- on the floor.

"What's your name, Sweetheart?" the man asked.

"Um... Snake," Snake said nervously, taking a tentative step toward the man and desperately wishing he didn't always turn into such a mess around attractive men.

"Oh," the man said, unimpressed, "I'm Gray Fox."

"Oh, I-I, um," Snake took a deep breath, "Can you tell me anything about Metal Gear?"

"Sure I can," Gray Fox smirked, "But it'll cost ya'."

"W-what?" Snake asked apprehensively.

Gray Fox laughed, "I'm sure you'll enjoy it, don't worry."

Then he got serious.

"Metal Gear's an all-terrain, nuclear-equipped, walking battle tank."

"Walking?" Snake asked.

"Yeah, two legs," Gray Fox held up two fingers, "Anyway, when it's finished, it'll enable a nuclear strike to be launched from anywhere on the planet. Know what that means, Honey?"

"World War 3?" Snake guessed, "Possibly a nuclear apocalypse?"

"Guess you're more then just a pretty face," Gray Fox smirked.

Snake blushed.

"Anyway, there's only one way to destroy Metal Gear, but the only one who knows is the developer, Dr. Drago Pettrovich Madnar. Who is, of course, being held hostage."

"Oh," Snake said, "Thank you."

Gray Fox grinned and got to his feet.

"Now, find some way outta here, and maybe you'll get a reward," he said, and stroked Snake's face.

Was he... flirting with Snake? Snake turned away to hide his blush.

"The walls," Snake blurted out.

"What?" Gray Fox asked.

"I-I got out by making a hole in the wall," Snake explained, pointing toward the hole he'd come through.

"Ah," Gray Fox held out his arms, "Go on then."

Snake nodded and approached the wall, and knocked on it. It made a sound similar to the wall he'd busted through, so he punched a hole in it, then made a hole big enough for himself and Gray Fox. But before he could go through, Gray Fox grabbed his wrist.

"Wait," he said, turning Snake around.

"But-" Snake started to protest.

Gray Fox pressed a finger to Snake's lips.

"It can wait," he said, "You owe me, remember? And there's still your... _reward_."

"B-both?" Snake asked.

"I've figured out a way to combine 'em," Gray Fox smirked.

And suddenly, he was kissing Snake, and Snake was on the verge of hyperventilating, because "Holy shit, it's my first kiss", but it wasn't like how he'd imagined it, it was too rough and he couldn't breathe and-

And then Gray Fox pushed him into the wall, and somehow his hands had ended up under Gray Fox's shirt, and Gray Fox's hands were in his pants, and then Gary Fox turned him around, and then... and then...

* * *

Snake fell to his knees.

"God," was all he could think of to say.

"I'm gonna guess that was your first time," Gray Fox said from somewhere behind him.

Snake turned to him.

"Yeah," he confessed.

Gray Fox smirked, "Well, I'd best be on my way. Fell free to join me when... you know..."

He winked and sauntered out of the room. Snake rested his head against the wall. So he'd lost his virginity, but he didn't _feel_ any different. And it'd been different from what he'd expected, rougher, for one thing, and he'd always thought he'd sleep with someone he loved, not some random guy he'd just met. But whatever, he didn't have time for this. He got to his feet and left the cell. Gray Fox was leaning against a wall.

"Took your time," he said.

"Uh, yeah," Snake said sheepishly, "Sorry."

Gray Fox shrugged and stood up.

"Let's get goin'," he said.

Snake followed him to another room, which was completely empty except for a guy with a shotgun.

"I'm Shoot Gunner!" he announced, "No one's ever escaped from here!"

"Shit!" Gray Fox shouted, "I'll handle this! Get outta here!"

Snake ran to one of the three doors in the room, but it wouldn't open. In a panic, he punched it and it opened.

"Huh," he said.

He ducked inside and shut the door. He giggled nervously.

"I escaped," he said.

Then he noticed a bag. He opened it to find all his stuff. He returned to the room with Gray Fox and Shoot Gunner.

"What are you doing?" Gray Fox yelled, "I told you to get out of here!"

"I can't," Snake said.

He pulled out the RC Missiles and shot Shoot Gunner until he died.

"Nice job," Gray Fox said.

Then he dropped to his knees and blew Snake.

* * *

Gray Fox went through Shoot Gunner's pockets. He pulled out a key card and tossed it to Snake. They went through the door Shoot Gunner had been guarding. They ended up in a maze-area-place-thing. A dog was sleeping on the floor.

"Kill it," Gray Fox said.

"W-what?" Snake asked.

"Kill it," Gray Fox repeated, "If it wakes up, it _will_ attack us."

"But-"

Gray Fox groaned. He grabbed Snake's gun and shot the dog. Snake flinched.

"Come on," Gray Fox said.

Snake got a call from Schneider, the Cliffpercher.

"This is Schneider, the Cliffpercher," he said, "Punch the walls and bomb areas that sound hollow. Over."

He ended the call. Snake and Gray Fox made their way through the maze, blowing up walls. In the middle, they found a Bomb Blast Suit. Then they left the maze and got on the elevator.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Snake and Gray Fox got the elevator on the second floor. They snuck past some cameras, then some guards and entered a hallway. At the end of the hallway was another door, and behind the door was another rolly thing. They avoided it and entered the next room. There was a single guard. They snuck past him and encountered three more guards, who they also avoided, and then they avoided more guards, and entered a room where three guards were sleeping. Snake glanced over at Gray Fox, but he'd already slit one of the guards' throat.

"Kill them," Gray Fox mouthed, and Snake sighed.

They killed the other two guards and grabbed some landmines, before leaving the room and running across the hallway to another room, which turned out to be another cell.

"Thank you for helping me," said the prisoner, "The only way to get into the inner courtyard is to parachute from the roof."

"Okay, thanks," Snake said, giving the man a thumbs up.

The man gave him a weird look, and Snake blushed. Could other people tell that... no, he'd worry about that later.

"Um, do you know where we could find a parachute?" Snake asked.

The prisoner shook his head.

"Okay, um... thanks anyway," Snake said, and then he and Gray Fox left the room. They continued on, beat up a guard, and entered another room. This one was empty except for some infrared goggles. Snake grabbed them and they left, making their way back to the elevator. They found a single guard who quickly fell asleep and avoided him, then found themselves in a room with some strange looking boxes. Snake started to step forward, but Gray Fox grabbed his wrist.

"Wait," he said.

Snake tried desperately to think of a joke.

"So... uh..." he said, but his mind was blank. Shit.

"Use those goggles," Gray Fox said.

"Oh. Yeah," Snake said, pulling out the goggles and putting them on.

Gray Fox laughed, "You thought I... Jesus, no, even I'm not _that_ horny."

Then he dropped his voice, "Although, we could probably figure something out."

Snake adjusted the goggles, trying to hide his blush. Gray Fox laughed again.

"After you, my dear," he said, spreading his arms.

Snake turned to the lazers. Gray Fox smacked his ass, and he jumped. Gray Fox laughed.

"A-anyway," Snake said, and led Gray Fox through the lazers.

They ended up in a room with a guard patrolling two doors. They entered the first door, which led to another jail cell.

"Thank you," the prisoner said, "Dr. Madnar's being held in the cell located in the inner courtyard."

"Thanks," Snake said to the prisoner. Then to Gray Fox he said, "How do these prisoners know so much?"

Gray Fox shrugged, "Beats me."

They left the cell and entered the other door.

"I'm Machinegun Kid!" announced someone who was clearly _not_ a kid, but a grown-ass man, "This is the end of the line for you!"

"Let's just get this over with," Snake sighed.

So he and Gray Fox killed Machinegun Kid really quickly 'cause I don't feel like writing out the whole fight. They entered the room behind he'd been and grabbed a parachute before returning to the elevator.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Snake and Gray Fox rode the elevator to the roof. As soon as they stepped out, Snake got a call from Big Boss.

"This is Big Boss," he said, "I forgot to tell you. There's a wind barrier on the roof, so you'll need a bomb blast suit. Over."

The call ended. Snake grinned.

"Joke's on you, Bitch," he said, "I already got one."

Gray Fox stared at him.

"Um, sorry," Snake said, "I'm not... Big Boss's biggest fan, exactly. But he doesn't like me much, either, so... what about you?"

"He saved my life," Gray Fox said seriously.

"Huh," Snake said awkwardly, "So, Bomb Blast Suit."

He pulled it out and put it on.

"Well, I guess this is where we part ways," Gray Fox said.

"What? No," Snake said.

"Well, there's only one suit..." Gray Fox pointed out.

Uh, we could... hold hands or something," Snake suggested desperately.

"Oohhh, I see what this is," Gray Fox smirked.

"What?" Snake asked.

Gray Fox winked and grabbed Snake's hand. They snuck past some guards and crossed a suspension bridge.

"Snake, I think you can take off the suit," Gray Fox said once they'd made it to the other side.

"Oh," Snake said, and pulled off the suit.

They continued on and were immediately spotted by a guard wearing a jetpack. They ran past him and encountered _another _guard with a jetpack, who turned on the electric floor. Snake pulled out the RC Missiles and shot the control panel thingy, then ran into a room and grabbed a mine detector. They ran back to where the first jetpack-clad guard was and ran past him until they encountered a helicopter. Which started shooting at them.

"Shit!" Gray Fox yelled.

"What do we do!?" Snake yelled back.

"I dunno!" Gray Fox yelled, "Call Big Boss!"

Snake called Diane.

"Hi, welcome to Chilli's," said a voice, "This is Diane, how can I help you?"

"Uh, my name is Solid Snake. I'm with FOXHOUND, and I was told to contact you if I had any questions about my enemies," Snake said.

"Oh yeah," Diane said, "So, what's up?"

"Um, there's a helicopter shooting at me," Snake said, "Do you... happen to know anything about that?"

"Oh, yeah. That's be the Hind D," Diane said.

"A Hind D?" Snake asked.

"Mm-hm," Diane said, "It can probably be brought down with a grenade launcher. Byeee."

The call ended. Snake hid behind some crates and pulled out the grenade launcher. He shot it a few times, until the Hind D exploded.

"Well that was easy," he said.

Snake and Gray Fox continued on until they found a ledge.

"Well, parachute time, I guess," Snake said pulling out the parachute.

"Um, help," he said sheepishly.

Gray Fox helped him with the parachute.

"Um, you can just... hold on to me... I guess," Snake said.

Gray Fox wrapped his arms around Snake's neck, and they jumped off the building.

* * *

Their landing was far from graceful, plus, they'd landed in the middle of a pack of dogs, so Snake had to kill them, which he felt really bad about. They walked up to two trucks.

"Wait, I feel from good," Gray Fox said, "Pull out the mine detector."

Snake did, and discovered there were a feck-ton of mines around one of the trucks.

"I'm guessing that's the one we need," he said.

They entered and found a key card, then they went back to the courtyard. They opened the only door there to find... an empty prison cell.

"What?" Snake asked, "Dr. Madnar should be here, right? Where is he?"

"We don't have time for this," Gray Fox said impatientl.

"Yeah, okay," Snake sighed.

They left the cell and continued on, killing more dogs. They entered another jail cell to be told that Dr Madnar had been moved to Building 2. They ended up back with the three trucks inside. Snake used the key card to open a door. Then they snuck past some guards. They opend another door and ended up outside. But, in like... a desert place? I don't feckin' know.


End file.
